Lea
You will not believe this but one of the reasons I am so interesed in astral travel is because they say you can have a conversation with a loved ones soul in the astral world. It would be wonderful to have all the questions answered, like in your case why? Like everything else in Magick it is taking a lot of practice and sometimes frustration for I am always in a rush. If you are interesed in astral travel you might want to read Astral travel for beginners by Richard Webster.
I am very sorry to hear about your brother; but a good place to start with healing is by talking to others(like you are doing on the internet). We will not know the answers but we do care. What ever made him decide to do what he did had absolutly nothing to do with the way he felt about you. Sometimes your own brain can be in such a dark place that only by higher intervention can you start to see the light again. One thing you can rest in is that he is not eternally doomed because of his choice, the soul travels to its next destination in order to learn more.
I will always do my best to help a person, sometimes I take a little longer to respond for I weigh my words carefully in order for my message not to be misunderstood.
Hopes this help
LadyHawk