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New Post 3/6/2009 9:50 AM
User is offline pingo
6 posts
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Daily humour 
Modified By Forum Moderator  on 3/7/2009 9:29:58 AM)

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:" Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do.

What do you suggest?"

At this point, the girl's father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Then you try again."

 
New Post 3/6/2009 9:56 AM
User is offline pingo
6 posts
No Ranking


Re: Daily humour 
Modified By Forum Moderator  on 3/7/2009 9:30:17 AM)

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there.' ..and indicated the sender with a
nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not
looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The
waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from
her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a
Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in
your pants '

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him
to deliver it to the lady.

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear
to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche
Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami,
and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars
in my bank account and portfolio ...

... But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off
three inches. Just send the bottle back.'

 
New Post 3/6/2009 10:00 AM
User is offline pingo
6 posts
No Ranking


Re: Daily humour 
Modified By Forum Moderator  on 3/7/2009 9:30:56 AM)

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared.

He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed.

Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there
is a man in bed with his mom.

Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a crystal ball, I want a crystal ball."

 
New Post 4/3/2009 5:05 AM
User is offline CrystalWings
29 posts
9th Level Poster


Re: Daily humour 

You Might be Pagan If...

1. When you're sworn in in court, you bring your own grimoire. . .

2. You've been seen talking to cats. They talk back. You understand what they're saying. . .

3. When asked if you believe in God, you ask, "Which one?" . . .

4. You know what "widdershins" means. You apply it. . .

5. You have an entire spice cabinet. . . and you don't cook. . .

6. You know that laurel and bay leaves are the same thing. . .

7. You have a frequent buyer card at the local antique bookstore. The proprietor of said bookstore picks out anything to do with the Celts and saves it for you. . .

8. You think Mercedes Lackey should be a cultural icon. . .

9. You know that there are exceptions to the laws of physics. You've caused them. . .

10. The first thing your guests say is, "My, that's a nice. . . altar. . . you have there. . ."

11. On Halloween, you yell "Happy New Year!" at passers-by. . .

12. You know that Christmas trees were originally pagan symbols. That's why you bought one. . .

13. You have friends who say they are elves. You believe them. . .

14. You commit blasphemy in the plural. . .

15. Upon dying, your first thought is, "Darn it, not AGAIN. . ."

16. When you say "Mother Nature," you don't mean it in an anthropomorphic way. . .

17. Gaia is NOT the lady on "Captain Planet". . .

18. You think The Mists of Avalon should be a religious text. You use it as such. . .

19. In Religion 101, you're disappointed because they didn't cover YOUR gods. . .

20. You know that there is a right way and a wrong way to draw a pentagram. . .

21. You can explain the difference. . .

22. You've spent the last year and a half looking for a familiar. . .

23. You talk to trees. They talk back. . .

24. You know dragons and fae exist. You've seen them. . .

25. Painting yourself blue, spiking your hair, and dancing naked around a bonfire sounds like large amounts of fun. . .

26. You've seen "The Craft". You know where they were making stuff up. You have explained this to other people.

You can do it better than they did it in "The Craft". You know the rest was a load of crap. . .

27. You understand the symbolism behind a maypole. . .

28. You've ever ended a phone call with "so mote it be. . ."

29. You think that "Scott Cunningham" is a household name. . .

30. You feel that there is no such thing as having too many cats. . .

31. The emergency calls you get at work are your teenagers wanting to know the whereabouts

of the extra candles, incense or other miscellaneous ritual items. . .

32. Someone asks you what you are doing wandering around in the woods wearing a robe, and you answer cheerfully: "Going to church!" . . .

33. Your children go around telling people that "the Goddess loves you. . ."

34. You're reading this list. . .

35. You understand what it's talking about. . .

Well then you might just be Pagan!

http://www.elessacar.com/pagan_humour.php


amandzing.wordpress.com
 
New Post 4/3/2009 12:50 PM
User is offline Nico Redelinghuys
305 posts
terrynight-attitude-of-gratitude.blogspot.com/
2nd Level Poster




Re: Daily humour 

5. Painting yourself blue, spiking your hair, and dancing naked around a bonfire sounds like large amounts of fun. . .

'nuff said.


Love 'n Light 'n Abundance
 
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